In an effort to stem the flow of large crowds of visitors, the Kenwood Garden Club has announced they will begin charging admission fees starting on April 5th. Fees will be set to $10 per vehicle axle, $6 for bicycles, and $2 for pedestrian access.  Citing security and safety concerns, brand new gates will be installed at neighborhood entrances, including Dorset Avenue, Highland Drive, Brookside Drive, and Kennedy Drive. “With COVID safety in mind, we plan to offer contactless mobile phone NFC wireless payments. We also accept Venmo and Paypal, but not Zelle. We found that nobody really wants to use Zelle.”

A portion of the funds will be submitted to the Montgomery County Department of Transportation (MCDOT) who has pledged to match every dollar earned. MCDOT Director Christopher Conklin explained, “Dorset Avenue was never designed to be a thoroughfare. With these funds we can widen the street to handle capacity at a much higher speed and help get visitors quickly through their visit.”

A new contract has been signed with local food services vendor Ridgewells, and will bring high-end treats to the roadside for hungry visitors. The anticipated menu includes delightfully cherry-blossom themed fare such as cherry macarons and cherry pie. Ben & Jerry’s popular ice cream Cherry Garcia will be kept frozen in a solar powered ice cream truck. “We plan to employ neighborhood high school students in an entrepreneurship program to help shape the economic future of Montgomery County.”

Audio guides will be available for download at $12, narrated with Morgan Freeman-like gravitas by local Bethesda celebrity and once Supreme Court hopeful Merrick Garland. The recently appointed Attorney General “made time in [his] packed schedule because the cherry blossoms hold a special place in [his] heart.”